david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wear drunk well.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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