Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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