all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize