Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize