no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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