Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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