Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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