her facebook's as public as her vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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