it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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