Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it glows. i had to have it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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