So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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