why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize