You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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