hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I AM VODKA MAN
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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