Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize