Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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