No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I deserve this hangover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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