i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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