MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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