Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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