she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
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I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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