So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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