he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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