Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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