Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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