I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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