when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Randomize