Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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