Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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