Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Pants are for mortals
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize