Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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