i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize