I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize