Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize