distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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