after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize