Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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