I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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