Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.

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  (239): and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer. http://tfl.nu/xmgi
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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  (662): Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning (780): I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk http://tfl.nu/o2k0
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.

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  (801): You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night. http://tfl.nu/ij9z
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  (530): View more from California

  He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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  (530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

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  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7561) Bad night (3681)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like

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  (571): On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like http://tfl.nu/th56
  Replies (10) Good night (841) Bad night (4493) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser

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  (336): I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser http://tfl.nu/rv8v
  Replies (5) Good night (3534) Bad night (1117)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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  (708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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  (423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?

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  (419): How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/9rcf
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.

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  (443): she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup. http://tfl.nu/y9af
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

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  (503): im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night http://tfl.nu/l78r
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  (972): View more from Texas

  We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".

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  (972): We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away". http://tfl.nu/ker4
  Replies (1) Good night (880) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!

  (386): View more from Florida

  Gravity is no match for my libido

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  (407): That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work! (386): Gravity is no match for my libido http://tfl.nu/l272
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (213)

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