hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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