you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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