New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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