my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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