i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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