It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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