Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
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Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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