i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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