STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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