I'm gonna have a badass scar
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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