I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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