Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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